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The “market” in NYC is generally less competitive for guys, but as a white woman who accepted dates from Indian dudes through online dating: they all (sample size of 3, but still) seemed shocked & mystified that I’d accepted their date request and spent a good portion of the date asking about whether I dated Indian men on the regular, while I awkwardly tried to turn things around to. 31 votes, 57 comments. So when it comes to match-based dating sites like Tinder or Bumble, you can't message each other unless you're matched.
I (26AF) recently moved to NYC. I'm trying to build a community here and most of the guys I've met and made friends with are non-Asian. I have made friends with some AF's who are great, but not for dating. I do sports but they often either have mostly women or we're advised not to date within the group.
When I'm not with my friends, within the city I usually go to Museums or galleries eg. Gagosian, Guggenheim, MET, Frick, etc, archery, or parks where I've been hit on or asked out by plenty of white guys but I don't seem to see a lot of unattached AM's.
Bars/coffee shops are out but even when I went to them I always got attention from non-AM's. An AM friend once said it's confusing because I look more Russian, am tall, and have curly hair so once he knew I was Asian it was the most obvious thing but before then he just wrote me off as foreign off-white which was why he didn't realize when I was making a move, especially because of my cultural background/style.
Basically, AM's, especially SEA AM's, where have you had the most success meeting people in NYC, both other AM's and AF's. What makes it easier or more challenging to break the ice or have the ice broken? Are you less likely to interact with women you perceive as non-Asian?
Trust us. You're not the loneliest person in New York City. It can be a bit daunting to make friends as an adult in a huge city. But there are ways that even the biggest introvert can reach out and make friends.
Here's some ways r/asknyc has gotten out and formed new relationships.
How do I start?
If you're new to making friends as an adult. It might be a good idea to begin with writing out some of your hobbies. What are some things that make you happy? The easiest way to connect to people is sharing a mutual interest!
Whether is be a sports franchise, a genre of music, or even larping -- chances are we have a NYC sub for it.
Check out a sidebar and see if there's a community that matches your interest. They may have local get-together that you can join in with. (And if there isn't....BE THE CHANGE YOU DESIRE!)
Our favourite place to point people to is our sister sub r/nycmeetups. It's a great way to create your own meetups, find local meetups, or join in on their weekly happy hour.
I have met some of my best friends via the sub and could not imagine my living without them!
Some other ideas
Join a sports League! Zog Sports - NYC Social
Check out Meetup.com
Volunteer!
Join a recreational education class!- Brooklyn Brainy
Join a political group
Join a bookclub at your local library.
Take dance lessons!
Join a film club!
Join a music class!
Our very own /u/craigalanche has helped many of us learn new instruments &master old ones. WSM Adult Group Music Classes
Join a pool league!
'But for anyone who likes to play pool (8ball), joining a pool league has led me to many friends. Either Pool players or PlayNapl
Doesn't matter if you're good, bad, as long as you have fun and geniunely like playing pool, they'll hook you up with a team. Usually plays on the weekdays, have a few drinks, play pool in a team environment, etc.
I play once a week, good way to meet people.' /u/redemptionxi
Join a gym with classes
Try joining a trivia team!
Take improv classes
Alright, I've done it. How do I keep friends?
Meeting people is easy, but keeping friends is the hard part. /u/Paratactical says it best.
'It takes about a year to build a social network. You have to find things to be regulars at - a bar, a volunteer organization, a concert series, a coffee shop - whatever. Something near your home or your work. You show up all the time. Constantly be around. Casually get to know other regulars and expand from there. Building a network here takes time and effort. That you have no friends after a month is not surprising or abnormal.'
Don't be alarmed if you don't automatically click with people. Building friendships in NYC takes a little bit more time and effort than in other places. Keep at it.
Becoming a regular is key to success.
When I first set out to make friends as an adult, I had a set day for socializing. This helped me nurture the relationships I had created the week before.
Don't be afraid to reach out.
If you enjoy a person's company try suggesting other activities you may enjoy together.
Instead of only drinking on Tuesday, why don't we also drink on Friday?
You like Meditation. I like Meditation. Let's go to that class together.
Hey, let's check out that UCB show this Saturday!
When I was spending a lot of weekends with people I had met at meetups, it was a good indication that we were becoming friends.
One additional piece of advice is the friendship rule of three. If it's possible, try to go to the first three hang outs your new friend(s) invite you to. If you can't make an event, try to find something else you can do together.
Early friendships need encouragement and affirmation if you want them to survive.
Any other tips?
Time and patience is key. Making friends as an adult is a lot harder than when we were in school. Don't be frustrated if you can't find an auto-replacement for your friend group back home.
Listen to people. That speaks for itself. Friendships are built on small talk that involves into more.
Try to be open to new experiences. You might discover you actually like opera or acid jazz. One of the best parts about meeting new people is the exchange of culture.
Friends are everywhere. Your local bartender, your co-worker, that person you frequently see at the bowling alley. I've even made friends from bad dates. Feel each situation out and you may surprise yourself.
You're not a loser. Even natives can find themselves suddenly friendless. People move and people change. You're never too old to make new friends.
Effort is A MUST! New friends usually don't just fall into your lap. You've gotta make an effort! Remember you're not the only lonely person in NYC.
Be nice to your new friends and have fun.
I'll leave you with another quote from our /u/paratactical
'Think of the kind of people you could connect with and find groups that those kinds of people would attend. Start going regularly. Have months and months of casual conversation with a bunch of people and eventually it will grow into more with the right people. Some will just be event friends, others will be more.
This can be anything - a coffee shop, a bar, a book club, a volunteer org, a board game meetup, a magic store - just a place where you go regularly to socialize. It takes time. But it works.'
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Yeah, we know. Dating in NYC is hard. You don't have to tell me twice. But if you're hoping to get married or just have someone to come to at night -- ya gonna hafta do it.
A lot of new comers think that the NYC dating sphere is harder than anywhere else. There's more options, people are busier, people are more attractive. While I've only dated in NYC -- I don't think it's true. Dating everywhere is hard especially in the current world of swipes.
Here's are r/asknyc's thoughts on dating in 21st century
The Apps
They're a hundred different apps out there.
But the ones we use the most here are
Tinder
Bumble
OKCupid
Hinge
Coffee Meets Bagel
Below you can read some people's experiences on each app.
What to do?
The three options are usually
Event - Drinks - Dinner.
Depending on the person and your dating style -- you may find one more appealing than the other.
From Coffee to Gin -- Sharing a beverage is probably the safest first date. Below you'll find places that you can woo your date with.
Alcoholic
Brandy Library is fun. Older leaning crowd - Quiet and romantic. They have brandy, mixed drinks, and wine on deck. Be ready to drop guap. It's for a first date you feel confident about.
Ward III is another casual classy bar. It's dark and can get a bit loud after 7pm. It's a post-work spot for me. Again a good second tier bar or right at 6pm bar.
Please Don't Tell if they're into gimmicks. It's the Go-to 'speak easy' in NYC. It's 'hidden' within Crif dogs. It can be annoying to get a seat in but it's easier than Death and Co.
Lovers of Today is crazy intimate, because it can fit like 16 people in it. It's the epitome of a date bar. Crazy dark and (just ok imo) cocktails. After 9pm on Fridays can get pretty loud. Theres a fun date nook on the left side of the bar to escape the loud music/crowd It's fun to get into because people are confused by the entrance at first.
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Big Bar, we must really love ya'll because we out here sharing our favourite bars. Big Bar is anything but BIG. CASH Only joint with cool neon lights, a bartender that over pours and yacht rock.
Bar Veloce A wine bar with multiple locations. A great happy hour and usually filled with people on dates.
Drop Off Service has a happy hour than runs till 8pm. What else do you want.
Non-Alcoholic
Existing Conditions (Bar with non alcoholic options)
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Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club
Karaoke, Rock climbing, Cooking classes, Walk through any of our parks, Comedy show, Bowling, Cycling through the park, literally anything.
Asian Male Actors
Research the details yourself you filthy anti-heathens.